Monday, January 19, 2015

Juan Ciervo!

        Time for Juan.

   Those of you who already know me probably know about our mounted deer head. Those of you who do not, get ready.
       For starters, my family is not the seasonal decorating type, with the exception of Christmas. And one time we left our Three Wisemen wall quilt on the wall for three straight years. Compared to the droves of southern belles that can be found around here with their abundance of wreaths, flags, centerpieces, doormats, bath linens, table settings, and china vases filled with real flowers, we are slacking.
        That was, until Juan.
    When we moved to the farm, my Granny was quick to pack up all that was hers to make room for us, leaving only a few things. One thing that she left behind was the mounted deer head that my brother begged her for. She got it at a flea market for $20.
    My family also doesn't hunt a lot. Which is crazy, because we could make a museum of all the watermelons we've lost to deer. We just never seem to find the time.
      I know, we are a shame to the southern name.
      So you could say that this deer was a proud possession of ours--our one hunting trophy we didn't have to sleep in a tree stand for. My mom, of course, didn't like him (darn yankee!), but she got her white mantle by the fireplace and we got Juan. His name is the Spanish version of John Deere.
Me and Juan when we first moved in...I... I have no idea what this is.

      Juan graced our mantle for a good two years with his noble and realistic taxidermy work.( Like, seriously, some mounted deer heads I've seen look more like cartoon characters.)

      Then one Christmas, in our frenzy of decking the halls, we started wrapping Juan in some festive garlands. Then a Santa hat. Then, for some reason, he ended up with a Willie Robertson wig and aviators. We got such a kick out of his look that we kept it up all through the holidays.

       After that Christmas, Juan just didn't look right without some kind of costume. For the Sochi Olympics, he sported a ski hat and a neck full of medals. For Easter he wore bunny ears and giant teeth, and for graduation he wore a cap and stole. He was a pirate, robin hood (Robin Horns), and a white girl in the fall (stereotypical White Tail... get it?). Pretty soon my whole family got into it. The season would change and my mom, who always wished Juan would meet the same fate as a famous leg lamp, would march into the dining room and say, "Okay, what's Juan wearing next?"
        Suddenly, we were seasonally decorating!
       It was crazy how easily this southern homemaker skill came to us when deer puns became involved. Now Juan is not just a beloved part of our home, he is a little celebrity among our friends. Because who doesn't love a decorated deer?

            And he's got a hashtag.
              That's right, this guy is #alexfromtarget status. Just type in #themanyfacesofjuanciervo on instagram and you'll find him.

             I hope y'all find this deer as entertaining as we do, and there will be many more posts on him to come. Happy seasonal decorating, folks! It's easier than you think.

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